Four Months

Four months.  Usually everything on this blog talks about how fast time is flying, and it is.  Yet somehow Sunday made four months since my dad's accident and in some ways it's been the slowest 4 months of my life.  I debated publishing this blog, or even putting my thoughts down, but I love to look back over old post and remember where we have been.  Sunday Matthew took the girls & headed to Camp D for the night.  It was so nice to have time by myself to accomplish so much but also just to be still and really think.  Crazy enough I hadn't been alone by myself for that length of time since the spring. 

 The sadness comes in waves.  I have yet to feel like I've really grieved.  Sometimes I still wonder if it was all a dream.  There have been so many other distractions the past few months that in some ways I wonder if I have even really processed it.  The other day I had a heart to heart with a very dear person.  She was just saying how she  can see I'm not the same person, that losing my father & all that encompasses it, has changed me.  It was sort of an ahhh moment for me.  Of course. Why would I think walking through the most difficult thing thus far in my short span of life wouldn't affect me.  My prayer is that God would use this as a sharpening & refining season of my life, as HE is.  I know this too is part of a bigger plan.  Even today at bible study I was so thankful for the affirmation he gave me in even something I was struggling with this past week.  Who would have thought Cain & Able could be so pertinent to me today (Don't worry Hattie, I'm not getting any ideas).  It amazes me that though I feel like this "season" of my life is somewhat walking through a valley, God has been kind to give me sweet relationships & His word to guide my hand. Thankful to have had almost 30 years with a wonderful earthly father.  I know not everyone has the joy of having a sweet daddy, & I consider myself blessed for it.

God is faithful and I am curious where He will have us in four months from now.