Four Months

Four months.  Usually everything on this blog talks about how fast time is flying, and it is.  Yet somehow Sunday made four months since my dad's accident and in some ways it's been the slowest 4 months of my life.  I debated publishing this blog, or even putting my thoughts down, but I love to look back over old post and remember where we have been.  Sunday Matthew took the girls & headed to Camp D for the night.  It was so nice to have time by myself to accomplish so much but also just to be still and really think.  Crazy enough I hadn't been alone by myself for that length of time since the spring. 

 The sadness comes in waves.  I have yet to feel like I've really grieved.  Sometimes I still wonder if it was all a dream.  There have been so many other distractions the past few months that in some ways I wonder if I have even really processed it.  The other day I had a heart to heart with a very dear person.  She was just saying how she  can see I'm not the same person, that losing my father & all that encompasses it, has changed me.  It was sort of an ahhh moment for me.  Of course. Why would I think walking through the most difficult thing thus far in my short span of life wouldn't affect me.  My prayer is that God would use this as a sharpening & refining season of my life, as HE is.  I know this too is part of a bigger plan.  Even today at bible study I was so thankful for the affirmation he gave me in even something I was struggling with this past week.  Who would have thought Cain & Able could be so pertinent to me today (Don't worry Hattie, I'm not getting any ideas).  It amazes me that though I feel like this "season" of my life is somewhat walking through a valley, God has been kind to give me sweet relationships & His word to guide my hand. Thankful to have had almost 30 years with a wonderful earthly father.  I know not everyone has the joy of having a sweet daddy, & I consider myself blessed for it.

God is faithful and I am curious where He will have us in four months from now.

All Who Are Thirsty

Yesterday at church we sang a short little song and it was just exactly what I've been feeling, longing for, and knowing.

Last week it dawned on me.  I am weary.  Weary for many reasons.  Two small active children.  A child who has needed lots of discipline and attention lately.  Weary trying to do it all: bible study, exercise, keeping a house.  Weary because of grieving. Weary because of the sin that rears it's ugly head.  However though I'm weary I cling to the truth that the Lord will give me the rest I need; true rest in Him.

Lately it seems everyone I am close to is carrying a burden, and even those I am not.  It is real.

Hope these words will find comfort with you too.

"All who are thirsty, all who are weak,

Come to the fountain; dip your heart in the stream of life.

Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away

In the waves of his mercy, 

As deep cries out to deep, we sing:

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

Holy Spirit, come.

Holy Spirit, come."

I promise cute pics from the beach soon, and somebody has a birthday around the corner......

Thank You

 So I've started writing "Thank You" notes for the kindness shown to me over the past month and I feel so foolish even writing those words.  How can those 8 letters even begin to encompass the emotion felt when I try to convey my feelings.
How do I even begin to say thank you for the prayers, thoughts, calls, emails, text messages, food, clean house, care for my children, care for crazy maggie......how?
If you know me, you know I long for community.  I love to feel connected.  During a horrible, tragic experience I saw a community both near and far.  Going "home" to Louisiana for 3 weeks, I knew I would be taken care of- never knew to what depth.  How sweet to see the church I grew up in, but remember I've been married and gone for 7 years, embrace my precious family. The sweet church I attended in college (the same church Matthew's family attends) fed us! People I've never met bringing food.  Visits to the hospital.  Faces I haven't seen in YEARS!  What precious effort and thought.  Grown men in tears in a waiting room, speaking so kind and highly of my father.  Did I mention the countless meals, magazines, and coffee's that made there way to us.  A wonderful team of doctors and nurses that walked us through everything.  Nurses who hugged & cried with us.  How can I possibly say Thank You.  That was just in the walls of the hospital......
What about my sweet in loves- all of them.  I couldn't have even imagined what it would have been like to even have to worry for a moment about my children.  Truly Papa, Dee Dee, Rachel, Brian & Randi took my children- and I never looked back at once.  If you have children you know this is a gift. Matthew's sweet grandmother kept our clothes clean & Paw Paw Emile kept the babies laughing.  Even my dear brother & sister in love so far away yet calling to help with crazy Maggie dog.  How do you say Thank You for keeping the ones you love so much so happy & content?
The whole time I am in Louisiana, I was constantly reminded of the sweet sweet community I left in Marietta.  Friends who went to much expense and traveled many hours to be by our side, for a campus minister who married both my sister and I & who poured so much into us through college, to walk in the church on such a day.  To know our church was praying for us, for all the offers to keep our house watched, mail checked, lawn mowed, all the details of life it was oh so reassuring.  To come home to a professionally cleaned house, a stocked frig and pantry and meals lined up for a month.  Nothing short of the miracle I needed. For truly having neighbors and seeing neighborly love.    I continue to be amazed at the kind words and the constant "what can I do?" even weeks later.  It is evident I have the community I have always longed for.  How do you say Thank You to those sweet friends who are still pursuing me in my good days and my bad?
And what about flowers?  To walk into a church that is FILLED with beautiful flowers and plants and so many of them sent from so many dear dear ones.  Something so beautiful on such a hard day.  How do you say Thank You for the bright spot on a dreary day.
I truly have a  whole new perspective on the body of Christ.  I am humbled by the way so many have loved us and continue to do so.  I will try to say Thank You to all of you who have touched me so, but just know truly the words Thank You don't even do it justice.   Below is Phillipians 1: 3-11.  I have heard these verses many times over the years, but they have a new meaning to me.  Truly I am so thankful for all the kindness shown to me over the past month.  There were so many days, and even now I feel stuck in chains (though I know Paul had it MUCH worse than me) but when I see how God has used all of you in my life, I am so thankful to be part of such a body.

³ I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴ In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy⁵ because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶ being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

⁷ It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸ God can testifyhow I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

⁹ And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight,¹⁰ so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,¹¹ filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

I say I believe God is sovereign and that He is good and kind and faithful to those who love him.  He is.  I can say that because I have seen him Love me through you.  So as trivial as I feel a "Thank You" is, Thank You.

Have to Laugh.........

A month ago I would have told you the worst week of my life was the the last week in January of my sophomore year of college.  Within a span of 3 days my boyfriend broke up with me, my grandmother died, I realized I had been going to geology instead of geography for the past 3 weeks and I caught the flu (despite having had the flu shot).  Just have to laugh right......

As most of you know I have spent the last 3 weeks in Baton Rouge.  My sweet sister beautifully documented our journey with our dad through his car accident and then his passing.  You can read about it here.

I am thankful that the Lord gave me the sprit of peace or might I say the spirit of laughter.  Despite the emotionally and physically exhausting journey we had been on, I thought I'd give you all something to laugh about.

We were in Baton Rouge for 21 days!  Ready?

 On day 4 it was confirmed Anna Caroline had chicken pox.  She had received the vaccine 2 weeks earlier and the live virus decided to pop itself out.  Luckily it was a mild case.  Sadly the girls both had to be quarantined from other children.  This was super sad because my sweet friend Suzanne came in from Shreveport to spend that 2nd weekend with us.  Her 2 boys are very close in age to my 2 girls.  So so sad to be in the same city, yet not be together.

Day 5 my iPhone falls out of the car and shatters.  It still works but as Mary Stewart says, "Mommy your phone so scratchy".

Somewhere around Day 13 or 14 I RAN OVER Matthew's iPad and his work computer with our car.  I am accepting responsibility though there is speculation on whether or not he set his bag in a less than ideal spot (passenger tire).

Day 17 is the day we buried my father.  The sweet family I nannied for in college kept the girls for us.  Mary Stewart plowed into the coffee table and required 6 stitches!!!! We were so fortunate that Robert & Louisa were able to take Mary Stewart to see a dear Dr. friend of my sister who just stitched her up in the office!  Mary Stewart, they say, was so tough, never asked for me (i'm not surprised) and was happy as long as she had "purple lollipops".

Day 18 a weird stomach virus attacks me as Suzanne predicted.  I'll spare all of you the details but it was a long 3 days.

Throw in there 3 cavities being filled too!

Just have to laugh right..........

another post is coming, one that will try to capture the love and care I felt from so many of you both near and far.

Happy Father's Day to the sweetest, most simple, humble man I know.